Growth Mindset

Praise

The way we praise children has an effect on how they develop their mindset. I can remember a time in my sixth grade when class we would have weekly timed math tests. My best friend and I would compete with each other to get a 100% and receive an atomic fireball. This was such an exciting challenge for me and we had a lot of fun competing with each other. However, this and similar kinds of competitions and rewards throughout my educational career did little to help me develop a growth mindset that is needed for long term motivation and success. When the focus on rewards puts even more pressure on the child to maintain that level of achievement in order to keep feeling worthwhile. I can remember only worrying about the result of the test and whether I was going to get a piece of candy. Instead I should have been focusing on the effort and the value of the process of learning. Who cares about candy when you have internalized the satisfactions you get from learning and growing? I know this is neither exciting nor effective at motivating children in the short run but when we focus on developing positive behaviors and a growth mindset it has a lasting and positive impact in the long run. 

So, here is the what and how of how to encourage your child to think of learning as a journey and recognize that the means is more important than the end result. 

What is a growth mindset?

This all centers around a child’s reaction to failure. How does your child react when they just can’t seem to get their trains set up right? Do they get discouraged? Do they feel dumb after receiving a bad grade om school? These reactions come from children with the opposite of a growth mindset, a fixed mindset. Children with a growth mindset show resiliency as they navigate losses and disappointments. They learn from their mistakes and pick themselves up and try again and even if they can’t figure out that difficult math problem, they know that it’s just a matter of not being able to figure it out yet. Dr. Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University and top researcher in the area of mindsets, tells us a simple way that a child can change their attitude to more growth promoting thoughts. “I've fallen in love with a new word--yet. If a child says I'm not good at math, yet, it takes a fixed mindset statement and turns it into a growth mindset one.” (Dweck, 2012).

Lately, I have been trying to develop this mindset with my children by changing the way I praise them in order to help them develop a more positive, growth mindset. Surprisingly, the way we talk to our children has a big effect on what they say to themselves and how they view what is important in the world. If all you tell your child is “Perfect!” and “Excellent job!” do you think that they can always or every consistently uphold that standard to receive praise in the future. Sometimes our children will fail or lose a game. We need to change what we say to them in order to focus on our approval of their efforts. Our children naturally want to please us and as we praise them for their efforts and hard work, they will eventually begin to gravitate toward the association of praise and hard work. Here are some interactions I had this past week that helped me practice this concept:

“Wow! You really worked hard on that and look what you’ve accomplished!”

“Even though you were tired this morning, you got right to work getting ready and now we even have some extra time on our hands.”

“I like the way you have organized your backpack. Now you can find everything when you need it.”

Do you see the difference between saying, “You’re so disorganized. That’s why you can’t find your homework.” and, “I like way you organized your backpack. Now you can find everything when you need it.”? One promotes shame and the other promotes pride and motivation to continue to keep the backpack tidy. 

Children who adopt a growth mindset show an increase in grades, were less likely to drop out of school (Dweck, 2012). We can see the positive things that can come from teaching our children this concept. Use this graphic to guide you in the best ways to communicate with your children to develop a growth mindset. 

Picture taken from Brigham Young University Idaho: Parenting Skills

References:

Dweck, Carol. (2012).“True Grit, Can You Teach It to Children?” [Video]. Retrieved from https://highered-nbclearn-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/portal/site/HigherEd/browse?cuecard=113407